– Understand the elements of style in writing
– Achieve a style characterized by clarity, conciseness, and emphasis
– Eliminate deadwood constructions, hidden verbs, and improper passive voice
The final module of this course explores writing style and how to achieve a style that is clear, concise, and emphatic. We will focus on three fairly simple ways to improve your writing style: eliminating deadwood constructions, converting hidden verbs, and avoiding passive voice.
Style concerns two elements of writing: diction (word choice) and sentence structure.
Here is a paragraph written in a particular style.
In 1929 the Great Depression in the U.S. started. It was precipitated by the Wall Street crash. Many banks experienced failure. Most types of production dropped. Many people were out of work. The film industry experienced prosperity. People went to the movies for escape. Especially popular were musicals. This contrasted with the economic time. Gold Diggers of 1933 and 42nd Street were film musicals; so were Footlight Parade and Bright Lights. People paid 15 cents for the movies. They could go to a theater and experience happiness. Songs were lively. Movie settings were extravagant. Movies had sophisticated dance teams; one team was Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers. They were elegantly dressed. He wore top hats; she wore fancy gowns. They helped moviegoers forget their worries. Hollywood also had wholesome stars. Judy Garland, Mickey Rooney, and Shirley Temple were of this type. They really charmed people. Optimism was a theme of those movies; another was spectacle.
Here is the same paragraph written in a different style.
The Great Depression in the U.S. started in 1929 with the Wall Street crash. Banks failed, production of all commodities declined, and many people were out of work. The film industry, however, saw dramatic growth because people turned to the movies as an escape. In sharp contrast to the economic time, musicals were especially popular: Gold Diggers of 1933, 42nd Street, Footlight Parade, Bright Lights. For only 15 cents, people could enter a celluloid world where people were happy, songs were uplifting, and sets were spectacular. Sophisticated dance teams like Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers were elegantly dressed in top hats and bejeweled gowns and helped moviegoers forget their financial woes; and wholesome entertainers like Judy Garland, Mickey Rooney, and Shirley Temple charmed them with themes of optimism and spectacle.
Both paragraphs are correct, but the second one is more effective than the first because it reads more smoothly and is less choppy than the first one. When we talk about style in this course, we will be referring to the two main contributors to style: sentence structure and word choice.
Styles can be pompous, friendly, direct, informal, or elegant. Even individual sentences can illustrate different styles, like these two examples:
It is mandatory that the equipment operator not engage the machine until he or she has read the warning sign.
Don’t pull the lever until you’ve read the warning.
These sentences intend essentially the same meaning, but they say it in very different ways. They use different words and different structures–that is, different styles–to communicate that meaning.
Consider these sentences that have essentially the same meaning but use different words and structures to convey that meaning:
– No regulatory prohibition against this type of risk transfer activity exists.
– There is no regulatory prohibition on this type of risk transfer activity.
– Regulations do not prohibit this type of risk transfer activity.
– This type of risk transfer activity is not prohibited.
– No regulation prohibits this type of risk transfer.
The differences in sentence structure and diction among the sentences are significant, but they all say the same basic message. All of them are correct, but which one or ones are more effective than the others? That is the question we will explore in this section, using three criteria: conciseness, clarity, and emphasis.
To improve conciseness, clarity, and emphasis at the sentence level, we’ll examine three types of problematic sentence constructions and explore how to eliminate them. Those sentence elements are:
– Deadwood Constructions
– Hidden Verbs
– Passive Voice.